Had Enough of Holland?
Welcome to Holland – NOT!
My gorgeous boy – growing up fast.
(Extract from Emily Perl Kingsley:) When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
Zero Tolerance Policies
So often today we hear about the need for “Zero Tolerance Policies” and, at times, it does seem to be a reasonable solution but often it is really a “knee-jerk” reaction to some event that causes us (as a society) to demand that something be done to prevent future events. Do these “Zero Tolerance Policies” really stop those future events? Perhaps they do lessen the frequency of the events occurring but I would suggest that no, they don’t stop them but they are contributing to the death of common sense and reasonable discipline.
Why do I say that? Well let’s examine some examples where “Zero Tolerance” has failed miserably and caused otherwise thinking adults to treat otherwise typical children as outright criminals with malicious mischief in mind.
- Have you heard of the Cub Scout that brought his pocket knife to school?
- Or the Lacrosse players that were suspended?
- Or how about the boy with the toy solider on his hat?
These are but three stories that show how having a “Zero Tolerance Policy” fails both our schools and our children. Not one of these students had a “weapon” (and I put that in quotes because toy soldiers are definitely not weapons even if they happen to hold weapons and don’t we expect soldiers to carry weapons?) with intent to harm themselves or another individual. Weren’t the “Zero Tolerance Policies” actually started to stop students from harming themselves and/or others? Weren’t they initially started because we were all in shock that two boys from Colorado carried semi-automatic and automatic weapons into their school and shot fellow students and teachers?
How many of us grew up with classmates who had hunting rifles in their truck sitting in the school parking lot so that as soon as school let out they could go hunting during hunting season? How many of our classmates growing up had pocket knives on them during school? How many remember their grandfather or even their father carrying a pocket knife? How many boys looked forward to the day their parents decided they were old enough and mature enough for a pocket knife of their own? Because of today’s “Zero Tolerance Policies” how many of our own sons or husbands no longer have access (in their pocket) to a pocket knife?
Our country’s insistence of “Zero Tolerance Policies” hasn’t, in my opinion, made us any safer, but it sure has limited our freedoms. How many of us feel like we are being assumed guilty until we prove ourselves innocent when attempting to travel by public transportation or even get a driver’s license renewed these days?
“Zero Tolerance” sounds like a reasonable solution until you find yourself on the wrong end of that policy. The child that bullies does need to be dealt with but a “Zero Tolerance” policy doesn’t allow the adults involved (who know the child best) to make a reasonable decision on how to handle the issue. I’ve heard of so many special needs children who get caught up in the “zero tolerance policy” when the truth of the matter is the typical child set the special needs child up to fall into violating the “zero tolerance policy.” Now, some will say oh, it doesn’t effect that child, but it does unless their IEP is specifically written to show that the child’s disability might manifest in such a way to violate the policy. How many parents or staff that write up IEP’s review every school’s policy to determine if the child’s disability might manifest in a way to violate said policy? A child that has a disability might blurt out “I’m going to kill you!” (and truthfully, how many of us have said that in anger and never really meant it?) after being teased or bothered by the typical child (or even another child with a disability)? Is it the socially acceptable way to respond? Of course not, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the typical child won’t admit to egging on the child with a disability. Now, with “zero tolerance” in place the special needs child is suspended or expelled. The parents are left in the dark because they will be told “nothing happened to set him/her off.” The staff, if they know this is highly unusual for the child will be frustrated because they will know that something must have set the child off but they are unable to keep the child in school or get to the bottom of the issue.
I say instead of “Zero Tolerance” we put common sense back into our schools and society and allow people in charge to review matters before making blanket one size fits all discipline decisions. Let’s realize that one size doesn’t fit all and one consequence may be right for one child but totally wrong for another. Let the school systems and the parents discipline, remove the judicial system from the equation especially when it comes to typical childhood antics. Let the punishment fit the crime once more.
In follow up to the three stories I posted, the little boy that made the hat with the toy soldiers he received a medal. (Here’s another article from the Army Times.) The cub scout got a reprieve. The lacrosse players won their appeal of their suspension. So in conclusion there are still some adults out there that have some common sense.
Incredible story from Seattle Children’s Theatre
Incredible story from Seattle Children’s Theatre.
Stories like this warm my heart and remind me that even when I get totally frustrated over some little thing Nick does that very thing might just be something that is touching another’s life.
Many times in life we go about our daily existence and wonder if we are really doing anything worth noting. Those of us with children with special needs can feel like the it’s us against the world, then one day something happens and the light is shining and those around us see. This little boy sat in a dark theatre and was swept away into the world the actors portrayed, or did they just happen to step into his world that day? I’m thinking for the first time someone entered his world and he was able to share it with those around him.
iPad plus apps
As most of you know my oldest son just happens to have Down Syndrome and along with that he has Speech Apraxia (basically he knows what he wants to say but can’t always get his mouth to say it so the rest of us can understand him), because of this we have often thought about augmentative communication. What is augmentative communication? According to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) includes all forms of communication (other than oral speech) that are used to express thoughts, needs, wants, and ideas. We all use AAC when we make facial expressions or gestures, use symbols or pictures, or write.
Well, those of you that know Nick personally know that carrying around a notebook with pictures to point out wouldn’t be his thing. To haul around a Dynavox (bulky electronic thing that costs major dollars and is definitely not what your cool teens carry) would be another no go. Sign language was shot down on just about every IEP (Individual Education Plan) as “not everyone knows sign language.” (Oh, and I guess we don’t want to take the time to locate a translator or teach those that work with Nick his signs.) So, when I heard that Apple’s iPad had an “app for that” I got excited. I started looking at ways to get an iPad (those suckers while cheaper than a Dynavox are still way expensive for the average Joe especially if he is raising a child with special needs) and that all so important “app for that.”
We applied to our local Family Support Services for the iPad, a case, insurance and the app (the app we wanted was one that most everyone in the DS community that we came across was recommending) total amount applied for was approximately $700. We were told the fund limits families to no more than $1,000 a year. We thought we’d be good — we were well under the total allowed and it was for a needed item that would help both Nick and our family life. (Just think we would have a means of figuring out exactly what he was saying for once! No more automatic no answers when we didn’t understand — we’ve learned the hard way that maybe or we’ll see meant “yes” to Nick. We’d also learned the hard way that saying “yes” when you don’t understand can get you into some hot-water.) Well, we found out we were approved for $350. Major disappointment — that wouldn’t buy the iPad ($499 minimum) and we were told we couldn’t use it for the app (FSS doesn’t buy give money for apps — they might not get the one they said they were getting). Our TC fought hard to change their minds without any luck. She even explained that the iPad w/o the app was basically a toy. (Yes, we have put games on the iPad but most of our current apps are educational or therapeutic in nature, but I’m getting ahead of myself here.)
So, with $350 in hand we needed to find more sources for funding. During this time I learned of A4CWSN and was amazed by the time Gary James took in reviewing (and videoing the review) of various apps. Gary told how he was the father of children with special needs and how he had discovered how the iPad could help his children and wanted to share with others in the special needs community. (We can be a pretty tenacious bunch — we’ve learned early on in our children’s lives that we are their number one advocates and we also tend to support each other.) Gary’s dream was to put an iPad into at least 1 child’s hands in every state (so the 50/50 campaign was born). Many people, businesses and developers have chipped in to make this dream a reality. Unfortunately, there have been some disagreements and words have been said. People have been hurt and I’m afraid what started out as a wonderful dream (that did come true for over 50 children and their families) may be ruined.
So, now we have our iPad and a whole slew of apps — many thanks to those developers who have donated apps to A4CWSN and other reviewers who have shared those codes with others. For OT we’ve got Dexteria – my only suggestion so far to the developer has been to consider adding an option where the therapist (or parent) can include words their child uses to practice handwriting both cursive and manuscript. For Speech we have iLeap WB-at, iPreposition, iSentence, Articulation, and Proloquo2Go (his ACC app). We also have math apps, story apps, puzzle apps, spelling apps, games and other educational apps (ranging from preschool to high school level).
We have discovered that Nick’s aptitude for electronics has forced us to monitor his time on the iPad (he quickly figured out YouTube — hoping now I can steer him to Gube {rated G YouTube videos}), he also figured out how to reactivate the wi-fi (after I turned it off). Passwords were quickly added to many things. Nick, like most boys his age prefers the action games to the education apps, fortunately, he will listen to me and do the educational ones if the fun ones are also on the table to play later. Just this past weekend we got Educreations and ShowMe for free — they are basically whiteboards for your iPad. The boys were having fun coming up with basketball plays tonight (we took a picture of half-court and they used both whiteboard apps to run plays).
Well, that’s it for now — got to go run Nick back to bed so I can go to bed.
Eighteen Years Ago…..
I had grand plans of uploading this on August 7, but as you can see that didn’t happen — life happen instead. So, just to update we gone from:
To this:
In some ways it seems like only yesterday while in others it seems like a lifetime ago. What happened that day changed my life in a way that many experience and yet, in a way that few experience. That day was spent in labor starting around 9a with a trip to the hospital. Since we had made this trip a few times before we weren’t positive that today would be the day we’d meet the baby I was carrying (based on the ultrasound the baby wasn’t due for another month, based on my calculations he was due next week). {I always told my doctor being single had some advantages you should be able to pinpoint a due date, but he would laugh and say the ultrasound was right — well, I think Mama was right and the ultrasound was wrong.} As I said, I spent the day in labor and after a heated discussion with the doctor on call that we weren’t stopping my labor and starting me back up in the morning, my LDR nurse made a suggestion which encouraged the baby to drop into position for imminent delivery. Of course the dude with the MD after his name wanted to argue with the lady with the RN after hers, fortunately for me and the baby the RN won the argument and less than 10 minutes after the MD wanted to stop my labor, my son joined me in this world with his Nana as my support partner.
From there things got crazy….the staff got quiet (after announcing his apgars 9/9) and the doctor mentioned wanting to run some tests. I don’t totally remember everything that happened at that point, I remember my mom (or me) questioning they doctor and making comments like…”so, mom and I have a space between our big toe and the next one” to “his bio-dad has _______.” At any rate, they move me to a room and Nick to the nursery (yes, this was back when WVU still had a newborn nursery and you labored in one room and recovered in another). I remember a nurse (one my mom had golfed with in the WV Women’s State Am the week before) coming in at some point and asking me if I knew what they were testing for and Down Syndrome being mentioned (still don’t remember if she said it or if I did). I remember not hearing anything from anyone (medically) until after my parents came down to see Nick the next day and my Dad yelling at the nursery staff for not bringing me my son or at least coming and getting me so I could see him. (Dad had found out that Nick was having some issues and was on oxygen and had a NGtube.) However, by Monday morning I was being inundated with information the OB showed up, the ped showed up, the geneticist stopped by — one of the first things out of her mouth was “there is a list of people who love to adopt children like this” — {hmmm, do you say that to all new parents or just the single ones?}, the cardiologist, the orthopedist and the social worker all showed up. Can we say information overload? I don’t even remember if my parents were there during all the consults or some of them or none of them. I do remember feeling overwhelmed. I do remember the geneticist saying that it is hard to just look at a newborn and say conclusively that “baby has Down Syndrome.”
Nick ended up spending a week in the newborn nursery learning to suck/swallow and breathe and making sure his heart was functioning properly. Mom and I scurried around to finishing getting everything ready for his homecoming. We also took the time to take care of the various other issues that having a child with Down Syndrome brings to one’s life. I think it was around this time I found this (well not this version exactly but the poem,WELCOME TO HOLLAND. by. Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987):
Now, one thing I’d like to say, some people might find this poem depressing saying “I didn’t plan on a trip to Italy” why are you trying to sell me on Holland when I never had a designation in mind in the first place. To them, I say great this poem probably won’t apply to you. To those that had your life as a parent plotted and planned out and once you got a diagnosis that didn’t fit into your plans, then I encourage you to read, listen, watch with that in mind.
It was also during this time I met Cindy & Tim Casten who started the UpsandDowns group on AOL and later Yahoo. Their youngest son, Matthew, was born just 11 days after I had Nick. So together we navigated this new adventure, while they had some experience with parenting versus my total inexperience with parenting we were both novices when it came to navigating the way through the special needs world. I tackled raising Nick from a “he’s a baby and my dream for him is to do what babies his age do.” They were coming at it from a slightly different perspective (often from more of a “but ___ did this at that age”) and we were both able to balance each other out (or at least I felt we did at the time).
Nick and I spent the first 5 almost 6 years of his life on our own and then we met Jeff. On May 29, 1999, Jeff and I got married and shortly, thereafter, Jeff adopted Nick. Let me just say, Jeff has been a total blessing to both us especially as Nick has gotten older and bigger. Today Nick is just at (or slightly above) 5′ tall and weighs close to 120. Since I’m only 5’3″ he is almost as tall as I am, I’m still hoping and praying he puts on a few more inches (especially since I noticed this weekend that little brother Mitchell is about to surpass him in height).
This summer Nick has gotten a chance to do volunteer/work at Goodwill and he is loving it. We do have to watch saying work or Goodwill because now Nick thinks every time we say Goodwill he needs to get ready for work. He also won a laptop computer which he loves — just need to locate really good net-nanny program. I did figure out how to limit the time he is allowed to log on — he is currently trying to figure out how to beat that. (He just announced — his computer doesn’t love him.)
A Review…of Notes to Aspiring Writers
I received the pleasure of getting a sneak peek at this new e-book and let me tell you while it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (a how-to write) it was exactly what I needed to hear (yes, when I read I hear the words in my mind, I don’t just see them on paper). I highly recommend Notes to Aspiring Writers by Brooke L. McGlothlin. Now I will tell you if you are anti-God or anti-Christian this book isn’t for you unless you can read it with an open mind, one open to hearing what God might just be saying to you through Brooke.
I also want to tell you that just because you aren’t an aspiring writer, don’t think this book isn’t for you…I truly believe this book could be titled Notes to Aspiring __________(you fill in the blank with your career choice). Now, why do I say this? Well, after reading the e-book I realized that we each have a dream and perhaps even a calling in this life and often we feel like we are struggling to fulfill that dream or calling. This book makes some very valid points that no matter what your dream or calling you can apply those points.
During the early review process some felt Brooke was harsh when she mentioned sacrifices having to be made in this life. Brooke was concerned enough to inquire if all of her reviewers felt the same way. I quickly assured her, I did not. No matter what career, dream or calling we have in this life there will be some sacrifices made whether we personally feel the results of those sacrifices is a different ball of wax altogether. Often in today’s society women are told “You can have it all,” but can we really? Does having it all mean that one part must suffer? Yes, there are some women who feel they have to work to make ends meet, there are some women that feel they have to work to maintain their sanity — I’m not discounting them, but sacrifices are made on both sides of the working/non-working make that non-employed life. Brooke examines how she realized that sometimes sacrifices must be made in this life in order to pursue the greater good and yet at the same time God may choose to bless those sacrifices with the realization of our dream just not exactly in the way we might have imagined.
For me, I grew up an avid reader with a strong desire to become a full-time mother (in fact, a friend once mentioned that I always said I’d have six kids — didn’t quite fulfill that part of the dream). For years I felt like my dream was just that a far-off dream that wasn’t going to come true and yet, it has just not on the time-schedule I had imagined. I’ve been the daughter (still am), the student (hopefully I still can say I’m learning), the single mom, the employed wife and currently the non-employed wife that stays home to raise her three boys to hopefully one day become productive, responsible, Godly men. The one thing I can say without hesitation is Brooke is right there have been sacrifices through each of those times in my life and yet, as Brooke points out, God calls those He calls His to be willing to lay down their life for His righteousness. I’ll admit all to often I find dying to self difficult and try to fight it; after reading Notes I hope that I can strive a little harder to not fight the dying to self quite as hard and just allow it to happen for the greater good.
Thanks Brooke for a great read!
Children and Parenting….
Lately it seems there are lots of articles about how bad children have gotten over the last say 20 years. Their (children) disruptive behaviors have led some businesses to impose bans on their presence. While I accept, and even to some extent totally understand, a business’s right to choose whether or not to allow children in their establishment I have to wonder if part of this is not directly related to parents not parenting effectively.
What do I mean? Let me ask you, the reader, a question…How many times in the past week have you been in a business and witnessed an out-of-control child? In each of these incidences, how many times did you notice the parent attempting to deal with the child? I know often I see out-of-control children and their parents are acting totally oblivious to the situation while Junior proceeds to destroy or at the least disrupt the atmosphere of the location.
Now, before anyone gets all upset that I’m being unfair to the disabled population, keep in mind my oldest son just happens to have Down Syndrome and ADD, with some OCD and Autistic tendencies thrown in for fun (said totally tongue in cheek, the for fun part as believe me it isn’t all that fun). I know what it is like to have a child melt-down for what appears to be no particular reason. I know what it is like to have a child become disruptive (even if that isn’t really their intent). However, I also make every effort to remove that child from the environment, some days that is harder than others. I have also made every effort to train my child what is and is not socially acceptable behavior. Now, where some disabilities are hidden my son’s disability really isn’t — one look can usually affirm “hey that kid’s disabled” what that one look doesn’t affirm is “hey, he doesn’t know any better so let it slide” because truthfully, he does know better he has just been trained (ooh there’s that word again) that society doesn’t expect him to know better and will allow him to get away with it. (Makes my job as a parent that much harder.)
So, back to the original problem/question…Are kids really that much more unruly today than they were a generation ago or are parents not training their children to act appropriately in public? I think both parts of that question are valid observations and are truthful. The difficult part arising in how to train in public when so many people have bought into the psycho-babble that discipline (or even, gasp, punishment) will harm a child’s psyche. The number of parents who say they are afraid to discipline in public has grown exponentially within the last generation or two. The current set of young parents were among the first groups of children raised by permissive parents versus disciplinary parents. (How many of today’s parents {of the younger set} grew up hearing “it’s my house if you don’t like the rules once you’re 18 you’re free to get your own place and establish your own rules”?) Also, growing up the entire neighborhood was often involved in the parenting the child. How did they do that? Well, if they saw Junior doing something that was socially unacceptable, they called Junior on it and often dealt with it prior to calling Junior’s parents who also dealt with it. Oh, and if you got in trouble at school, you knew you’d get it twice as bad once you got home. Today, Junior does something wrong at school and it isn’t Junior’s fault it is the school or the teacher or even his classmate’s fault.
Growing up if we played at the local construction site and got hurt, it was our fault we got hurt, not the contractor’s fault for creating an enticing nuisance (umm, what kid doesn’t like playing in dirt and around new construction?). Our parents didn’t sue the contractor, oh no, our parents patched us up and tanned our hides and we quickly learned not to do it again.
As to dining out, used to be that was reserved for the grown-ups and for children who could behave in public (and it was a rare treat). These days it seems like an everyday occurrence in some households and since Mom and Dad want dinner out then everyone will just have to deal with Junior (because we’d never dream of leaving him home with a sitter when we know he doesn’t do well in public).
Novel ideal parents — next time Junior acts up, deal with it and if he doesn’t straight up then excuse yourself (get the check, box your food to go if you’ve already ordered) and leave the establishment. Word to the establishment’s clientele, if you see a parent attempting to parent their unruly child don’t interfere (unless the child is in imminent danger) unless you’re actually going to offer to help Mom or Dad with said unruly child. Don’t jot their information down and call CPS calling it abuse, unless you’ve first inquired about the situation (to those involved), sometimes the child throwing the fit is doing so because of a disability and sometimes the child is throwing the fit because the child has been trained (by society) that if they throw a big enough fit Mom/Dad will back down (for fear someone will call CPS).
Lastly, parents regardless of the psycho-babble you’ve read, children are NOT miniature adults with full-rational thinking capabilities. In fact, children are typically self-centered little beings who are after what they want (which isn’t always what they need). Do yourself and your child a favor, learn the difference between a want and a need then train your little bundle of joy how to be a responsible, socially acceptable adult. Trust me, some day they will thank you — probably not as teenagers but perhaps before they have their own little bundle of joy. Oh, and by the way, their little bundle of joy is the one you can spoil rotten as it will be their job to train them to be responsible, socially acceptable adults — just don’t veer too far from their parents plans for them or you might find it hard to spend time with your grandchildren.
A Funny About The 3 R’s….
I’ve been reading a book (via Kindle app for iPod Touch) called “A Family of Value,” in it John Rosemond talks about how child rearing and parenting has changed since the advent of the so-called child psychology experts. To be perfectly honest, I agree with pretty much everything I’ve read so far.
So, last night I inform our boys that Daddy and I are going back to the 3 R’s of Parenting. To which all three boys look at me quizzically and say: “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle?” Which had me totally confused, then I realized the brainwashing techniques of what we call education has worked at least on this subject and I respond with a smile, “No the 3 R’s I”m referring to are: Respect, Responsibility and Resourcefulness.” Silence ensued.
Jeff catches me a few minutes later and tells me: “Let’s drop the resourcefulness aspect or Nick will really get one over on us. He’s resourceful enough when it comes to getting chocolate, cookies, cake or pop.” Jeff has a point. However, we will be working diligently on the respect and responsibility points.
Parenting in the trenches
Parenting a child with special needs is both a joyous blessing and a at times a heartbreaking task. Yes, all parents experience these highs and lows but for some the highs and lows hit just a little harder.
What do I mean? Let’s go back to the birth (assuming your child’s diagnosis didn’t come until after their birth), while the other new moms were rejoicing over their precious bundles (and receiving congratulations as well), the mom of a child with special needs often hears, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” The air around them often develops almost a funeral like atmosphere. The hospital staff is often more subdued than anything. People tend to tip-toe around the new mom (and dad) not quite sure what to say. As a mom of a child with specials needs, let me say, that congratulations on the birth of a new child is always in order (and so much more appropriate than the “Oh, I’m so sorry” comments).
Let’s assume you’ve gotten through those first few months and are trying to just enjoy being a mom to your newborn. Unlike the other moms whose children didn’t come with a “diagnosis of doom and gloom,” (yep, so much of the information parents of children with special needs receive is of the “doom and gloom” variety), you’re busy trekking off to the multitude of doctors appointments your newborn has scheduled. This makes it difficult (but not impossible) to see the child for the diagnosis. After all, if your days consists of getting to one doctor’s appointment after another when do you get to just sit and admire that new bundle of joy?
After a short time, you may start getting assistance from the Birth to Three (or Intervention Program by another name) where well-meaning professionals come to help you with your child. The questions they ask just serve to remind you that your precious baby isn’t quite like the other babies out there and needs more help. The focus is often on what the child can’t do and what they can do to help you help your child get to where they need to be (which may or may not happen).
At this point, you have probably come to see your precious bundle as yours and that he/she is unique in his/her own way and you love that little bundle and wouldn’t trade for another. You start living and only occasionally think about the diagnosis — like when something goes wrong or when your girlfriend whose baby is the same age as yours reaches a milestone that your precious little bundle hasn’t reached and isn’t showing any signs of reaching in the next few weeks.
Gradually, the years past and you are now a mother (parent) of a pre-schooler but your precious pre-schooler isn’t walking or potty-trained or fill-in-the-blank, well you get the picture. The funny thing is by this time you’re more of a veteran mom of a child with special needs so you don’t focus so much on what junior can’t do but on what he can do. Then when you are just tickled pink because Junior took two steps without holding on to anything, your girlfriend mentions that her little one has started riding his trike all over the yard. Yes, you’re happy for her but for a second that little voice in your head says, “What about Junior? Why does she always rub this stuff in my face.” Word to the wise, she isn’t intentionally rubbing it in your face, she just forgets that Junior isn’t as developmentally advance as her little one is and she is excited about her child’s progress.
What’s interesting is as the years progress, at least in my experience, the diagnosis becomes less important in the grand scheme of things and most of the time you tend to forget about it until something slams reality back down on your head. It’s those times that the heartbreak can be excruciating. It’s those times you wonder how you made it this far and you forget all that you and your precious bundle have accomplished. For those of you just starting out, I would highly recommend that you take the time to document your child’s successes. That way when reality strikes (and we all know it will) you can pull out your memory book(s) and say, “this too shall pass and when we reach the other side we will be victorious once again.”
Another bit of advice, if you know your child has a low immune system don’t be afraid to tell sick people to stay away. Your child’s health is more important than that play-date.
My son with special needs is now 17 and our life hasn’t always gone the way I hoped and prayed it would, but I know it has proceeded in a way that it needed to proceed to fulfill God’s plan for the two of us. To be honest, all three of my boys had a rocky start in life. Mitchell spent 3.5 weeks in the NICU after being life-flighted to get there. Zachary turned blue in the newborn nursery (yes, antiquated practices of a newborn nursery at the hospital) and came home with an apnea monitor which I do believe weighed more than he did and we lugged that thing around for 6 months. So I know that even a child with the right amount of chromosomes sometimes becomes a special needs child if only for a little while.
My days that reality slaps me in the face have ebbed and flowed over the years. Right now, I feel like I’m in the midst of one big reality wake-up call as my hopes and dreams for Nick aren’t exactly lining up with reality. It’s hard too when the 9 year old seems more mature (at times) than the 17 year old. (The 11 year old some days seems older than me.)
Hopefully, this post hasn’t made some expectant mom panic (especially if she has already gotten a doom and gloom prenatal diagnosis) because truthfully the good has outweighed the bad and I’m confident it will continue to do so.
Apologies on no new posts…
Last week on Tuesday my mom called and told me my grandmother had had a stroke on Monday night. By Thursday, things weren’t looking good. Turns out she had an allergic reaction to a new med and by Friday we thought she was improving. Unfortunately, when we returned to visit her on Saturday we discovered she was having trouble breathing. Sunday she was no better and I feared she was growing worse. All the nursing staff would say is “well, she is 99 and her body is tired.” People we are her family, we know how old she is and we know how tired she is — you aren’t telling us anything we didn’t already know. My husband is a nurse so on our way back home I was talking to him about what I saw on Sunday morning. He confirmed my thoughts that Grandma was dying. On Monday morning Mom called to tell us Grandma had passed away.
This week has found us getting Jeff a new job. Praise the Lord that didn’t take long and the two weeks he was unemployed can be viewed as a vacation (he had 3 weeks of vacation from his previous job due him so those two weeks were with pay). We are still waiting on his mom’s estate to finish going through the probate process, hopefully that will finish up this week. Nick had OT and Speech (Monday/Tuesday, respectively) and the boys have had school all week. Mitchell turned 11 on Wednesday and we celebrated with the meal of his choice (Kielbasa Dogs w/Sour Kraut) and a movie (Beverly Hills Chihuahua II — his birthday present from us).
We’ve managed to survive 3 days of homework with Zachary — trust me it’s survival. The poor kid has two older siblings that almost never have homework and thinks the world has plotted against him because he almost always has homework. I think he spends more time fighting doing it than he actually spends doing it!
As far as my coupon adventure goes, it was put on hold during the past two weeks — too many other things have required my attention. I hope to get back at it next week. Since Savings Angel didn’t have my local Shop-n-Save in their system, I’ve been manually trying to compare the theirs to mine. It’s a lot of work, hence the setting it aside while I deal with life.
Plans for the rest of the week include working on repairing a scrapbook of my Grandma’s and cutting the boys’ hair — they are starting to look like shaggy dogs.
